Nectar

Nudity, mint tea, Christmas lights abstract wall art, and silence. And I just float away. Having a sense of peace and security, even if only for a moment, is amazing. That feeling, when it's true, and raw, and embedded in yourself, is amazing.

I am the creator and sustainer of my own happiness. The giver and receiver of my own peace. I do for the good of myself. I value, cherish and believe in myself more and before anything else. I put myself at the top and bottom of my list. I keep fighting, for me. I keep trying, for me. I live to be my own best friend, my own biggest fan.

I can honestly say that I've never been happier with myself and my life than I am right now. Despite the things I've been going through these past few months, despite the things I continue to endure right now, the overbearing pain, the worry, the frustration of not knowing, I am happy. And I'm happy with me.

And this is why I'm so disinterested in being in a relationship with him right now. I don't want to make the mistake of muddling the happiness that I feel within, for and because of myself, with the happiness that he's so interested in bringing me. I need the time and space to just be infatuated with myself. Hopefully he understands that.