The problem with never is that it doesn't come soon enough.
Taqee "sad-faced" me last night because he said that I have an entire "second life" that I've been hiding.
Which I suppose is true.
But apart from the obvious difficulties that come with sharing your "second life", I find it hard to do so when so many people use their "second lives" as a way to validate themselves.
It is trendy to be a glutton for pain. It makes you cool. It makes you popular. It makes your life significant, important, noteworthy.
I would love to be able to trust someone enough to be able to share everything with them. I would love to be able to share, even with only one person, the history of my joy and pain. I would love to be able to share with someone my story, and to hear theirs.
But I don't want to fit the cool kid category. I don't want to be congratulated for my ability to be so "strong," or to appear so "normal" (assuming that I do) in spite of the roads I've traveled. I don't want pity, or sympathy.
I just want it to be taken as it is. I want to be taken as I am. I don't want to be classified with the Angst Teens of the 21st century, because that's not me.
When I'm looked at, I want people to just see Constance-Marie, for all of her amazing glory. Because I am amazing. But not because I have such a "hurtful second life."
And so, I keep it to myself.
Taqee "sad-faced" me last night because he said that I have an entire "second life" that I've been hiding.
Which I suppose is true.
But apart from the obvious difficulties that come with sharing your "second life", I find it hard to do so when so many people use their "second lives" as a way to validate themselves.
It is trendy to be a glutton for pain. It makes you cool. It makes you popular. It makes your life significant, important, noteworthy.
I would love to be able to trust someone enough to be able to share everything with them. I would love to be able to share, even with only one person, the history of my joy and pain. I would love to be able to share with someone my story, and to hear theirs.
But I don't want to fit the cool kid category. I don't want to be congratulated for my ability to be so "strong," or to appear so "normal" (assuming that I do) in spite of the roads I've traveled. I don't want pity, or sympathy.
I just want it to be taken as it is. I want to be taken as I am. I don't want to be classified with the Angst Teens of the 21st century, because that's not me.
When I'm looked at, I want people to just see Constance-Marie, for all of her amazing glory. Because I am amazing. But not because I have such a "hurtful second life."
And so, I keep it to myself.
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