I don't understand why God doesn't want to see me happy.
Barack Obama once had an 8 point lead for white women voters. After the pick of Palin, McCain now enjoys a 12 point lead with white women. God doesn't want to see me happy. He just doesn't, I am now thoroughly convinced.
A huge, and growing, part of me just wishes that I could marry rich, and then use that money to do the work I wish to do with the world. There's no college course that truly teaches humanity, fairness and balance. I know what I really want to do, I know how I need to go about doing it, and I think it's bullshit that I have to go through umpteenth years of schooling to help people the way that I know I can. I know I have the ability, and want, to change many lives. Just let me do it! I'm about go browse sugardaddies.com..
Being young is annoying. I hate having limited control of my life. I hate not knowing where I'll actually end up. I hate this constant feeling of pressure and impending failure and unhappiness. I want to fall asleep, and wake up ten years into my future (waking up once briefly to experience my wedding).
(Taking a brief break in thoughts to mention that I absolutely love Brandon Brown.)
I feel awful. My muscles, particularly my back muscles, have been aching and cramping since Sunday, I have a cold, and to top it all off, I started my period today, like a week early, and before I had a chance to go home and pick up my medication. Now I'm going to overdose on liquor store Motrins. See how God doesn't want to see me happy?
I think I am finally coming to grips with the fact that I have a fairly low level of self-esteem. It bothers me to actually type that, so I'm keeping myself from erasing it for the fourth time. And it's weird because it's not that I think I'm horribly ugly, or dumb, or fat or any of those things. I actually think I'm a pretty amazing girl, most of the time. But it's literally my self-esteem, my self-worth, my self-value. I constantly feel like I don't deserve anything, like I'm not worth much. For many reasons recently I feel dispensable. But, I'm on my period, so that could have a lot to do with it also. (So cut my wrists and black my eyes, so I can fall asleep tonight.)
I keep getting excited about coming home this weekend because I think I'll be able to see Brandon and Steve. ..Epic fail. But hopefully I'll be able to see some people, like Dino, who I surely do love.
I'm looking for room swapping options. I can't deal with this too much longer. I've counted ten, TEN times today I've seen my roommate and she hasn't said a word to me. Twice in the streets. [Warning: Random hood moment following.] This bitch got me fucked up.
I want pizza from the liquor store (it's truly delicious!) but I cannot get up and walk. God does not want to see me happy.
Barack Obama once had an 8 point lead for white women voters. After the pick of Palin, McCain now enjoys a 12 point lead with white women. God doesn't want to see me happy. He just doesn't, I am now thoroughly convinced.
A huge, and growing, part of me just wishes that I could marry rich, and then use that money to do the work I wish to do with the world. There's no college course that truly teaches humanity, fairness and balance. I know what I really want to do, I know how I need to go about doing it, and I think it's bullshit that I have to go through umpteenth years of schooling to help people the way that I know I can. I know I have the ability, and want, to change many lives. Just let me do it! I'm about go browse sugardaddies.com..
Being young is annoying. I hate having limited control of my life. I hate not knowing where I'll actually end up. I hate this constant feeling of pressure and impending failure and unhappiness. I want to fall asleep, and wake up ten years into my future (waking up once briefly to experience my wedding).
(Taking a brief break in thoughts to mention that I absolutely love Brandon Brown.)
I feel awful. My muscles, particularly my back muscles, have been aching and cramping since Sunday, I have a cold, and to top it all off, I started my period today, like a week early, and before I had a chance to go home and pick up my medication. Now I'm going to overdose on liquor store Motrins. See how God doesn't want to see me happy?
I think I am finally coming to grips with the fact that I have a fairly low level of self-esteem. It bothers me to actually type that, so I'm keeping myself from erasing it for the fourth time. And it's weird because it's not that I think I'm horribly ugly, or dumb, or fat or any of those things. I actually think I'm a pretty amazing girl, most of the time. But it's literally my self-esteem, my self-worth, my self-value. I constantly feel like I don't deserve anything, like I'm not worth much. For many reasons recently I feel dispensable. But, I'm on my period, so that could have a lot to do with it also. (So cut my wrists and black my eyes, so I can fall asleep tonight.)
I keep getting excited about coming home this weekend because I think I'll be able to see Brandon and Steve. ..Epic fail. But hopefully I'll be able to see some people, like Dino, who I surely do love.
I'm looking for room swapping options. I can't deal with this too much longer. I've counted ten, TEN times today I've seen my roommate and she hasn't said a word to me. Twice in the streets. [Warning: Random hood moment following.] This bitch got me fucked up.
I want pizza from the liquor store (it's truly delicious!) but I cannot get up and walk. God does not want to see me happy.
4 comments:
God is a pretty big douche' but I don't believe he doesn't want you to be happy.
you need to stop being unhappy!
dammnit...
and maybe your period changed due to your roomie...eh?
I don't like her (I don't know here) but she seems rude as shit...I'll get her done for for a small fee...jk
but yea I'll see you this weekend I love you Conz! and I want you to be happy now do it nigga!
Awww babes. She sounds like a bitch.
You can come live with me! :]
You should try speaking to her
like starting a convo
wprst case scenario it just ends up awkward as shyt
and sheen nobody so it doesnt matter if u make it awkward
best case scenario, u worry less about it while she still lives with ya
and for that self worth shyt
your worth alot
your actually one of my role models pimp, no homo, but i think your worth a hella lot more than u give yourself credit for. and ur worth a shyt load to me, so u betta catch up!
lol
Your self-worth should have increased exponentially after having typed that blog post.
And Motrin is where it's at! Tylenol can't compare. smh
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